so many things = one thing

My last post was 50% bullshit. I do know why people want a commitment, i suppose what i don't understand is why people want the relationship more than the person.
I don't want anyone because I want a specific person. And i want a situation that is more than likely impossible.
I get wrapped up in the things i have to do, and the things i want for myself and in the back of my mind, there it is.

I'm not convinced.

Is finding a significant other the cure for loneliness? I'm not convinced. Everyone is looking for meaningfulness, but does it have to be in the form of a relationship? Is this how a good life is gauged? Maybe I don't know anyone who is worth it.
But why do so many people seem desperate?

a short artist statement. what do you think?

My pieces feel they are the collection of moments of sparkling clarity and complementary moments of dizzying dread, because of their ill-equipped memory. They use this mental puzzle to highlight a collective feeling of ever-shifting reality. Their language is influenced by Modern artists, but refers to abstract concepts within daily life such as blueprints, ephemera, geometry and cellular workings. I do not come to my surface with any preconceived thoughts, I let my medium speak.

my afternoon

I went at about 7 to pre-purchase mine and felicia's tickets for "Where the Wild Things Are", playing at midnight tonight. I walked into a frenzy of people coming into the theater, because I live in the town that houses the largest art school in the country. I walked up to a register to get my tickets and the young lady behind the counter was visibly frazzled and quickly asked me if I was a student or member of the military. I looked up at her and asked if I could pretend I was a student. She said sure. Oh, I gave her the biggest smile I could stand.
I then proceeded to staples next door for some notecards, and then next door again to Sally Beauty Supply to buy some new hair-cutting scissors. I asked the woman at Sally if they were hiring because she was really nice to me. I think she was being taped because she was being very coy and saying that it wasn't her place to say, but insisted I take an application with a wink.
I also finished my newest painting, putting me on my way to my goal: 6 new paintings by December. 2 down, 4 to go. easy peasy.

a tiny, well-made bed.

lately

heat walking building and stretching and painting running beach kittens heat cleaning air mattress neighbors pisces showering pizza wine echoes go-cups staying up late heat sexual frustration

it's possible

I think it's possible with all these hollywood tricks they've got goin' these days that Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg are the same person.

dreaming

I'm dreaming of love, and dreaming of lies.

dan deacon

Dan Deacon is an amazing showman. The music is awesome, and its so easy to get caught up in it and just dance until your hair is sweaty and your clothes are soaked though. Everyone involved feels like they're part of a collective something. He's so interactive with the audience, he feels just like some guy you know, but also like a secret celebrity. This man plays the power strip. Who can touch that?
I saw his show last night in Atlanta, drove my ass 4 hours from Savannah to see this guy. I couchsurfed with these great dudes who let me stay in their guest bedroom and made me eggs and tea in the morning. All in all, i am pleased.
Still no pictures, though.

partyin'

Partying is fucking awesome. Doing laundry at the laundromat is nothing like partying.

dammit

I am completely unable to do things that life requires of people.

moses goes outside

I smelled the salty air tonight. I was thinking about the secrets I'm keeping from myself.

do you think he really likes me?

I saw an ad today, geared toward single people advertising 'find the love of your life' or something along those lines. This is because facebook knows I'm single I guess, and one can only gather that I must be desperate. So, anyhow this ad featured a man who looked so much like our last commander-in-chief, none other than Mr. W, I could have sworn it was him. Do you think maybe he's looking for love? Does he finally seek the acceptance of other people? Does he want to date me and take me home to Barbara?
Must be some kind of mid-life end-of-an-era thing.

georgia

Am i farther away from who i was, am i closer to who i am now?

an encapsulated memory

prudence

i knew a girl named prudence briefly when i think i was 16
i think she was 16 also.
she was friends with beauvais and i think evey too.
we used to hang out at the cks on highland
she drove a saturn.
she was small like me and had freckles
she wore t-shirts with horses on them
and wore a pair of cowgirl boots all the time.
she said they were uncomfortable but she would endure the pain for fashion.
i think that was a joke, but i remember not being able to discern if it was.

neighbors

I met a cop today, he lives across the street and to the left of my parents' house. I had my yard sale, and for a good 2 hours there were no customers. My neighbor (don't remember his name) came out with his kid and hung out with me. He kept asking me all kinds of questions about my life... said i was some kind of bohemian type. I guess in comparison to him. He was really nice, i dont think i've ever met a cop that i liked before him.
My parents next-door neighbor came over also, she had no idea who i was. She thought my brother was an only child. She was very sweet and while i think shes my parents' age, has a ton of grandkids. She bought a bunch of my tank-tops for her college-aged ones.

friends?

Does dropping people from your friends list on facebook count as burning bridges? I've been doing this because, well, I'm not friends with these people. I took a class with them 6 years ago, or I knew them in third grade, and didn't want to accept their friend request in the first place. I don't really care about their 5 new babies. bitchy? perhaps. But they probably only friended me to look more popular.

leonard.

Leonard Cohen's music makes me aroused. His voice heightens my sensitivity like when i'm in the company of a lover.
The complexity is everything, i feel heartache and a swelling of passion simultaneously.